serious post alert
you have been warned, so read at your own discretion, haha.
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so, mosaic, the church i'm attending out here in la right now put on a show called "broke" yesterday in lieu of regular service. at first, i thought it was weird. half-way through, i thought it was cheesy. by the end though, i was bawling - tears streaming down my face, runny nose kind of crying. definitely hit some heart strings. i couldn't really put my finger on why though.
tried reasoning through it later, but wasn't really satisfied with the answers i came up with. waking up this morning, i was hit with a thought that maybe the reason why it was so hard to put my finger on exactly what opened the floodgates is that it wasn't just one thing. it always frustrates me when i can't fully relate what i'm feeling or when i don't have all the answers, but this time, i figure i'll try anyway because maybe laying down a few pieces of a the puzzle at a time, the picture will slowly start to come together.
the show basically follows one couple as they become "broke" in life, love, work, everything. spoiler alert, there's a happy ending, but it took a lot of bravery and truth to let their lives unravel and then a lot of grace and love to pull it all back together. when i put myself in their shoes though, i realized that it goes against my natural inclinations to admit that something is in the crapper and then once it's hit rock bottom to forgive when i have been wronged. i worried that because of these faults, i was somehow, unknowingly, slowly, but surely running my life and the lives of those around me through a grater. cue tears.
after the show, the "site catalyst", goodie, told a story about how he accidentally broke his 6-year-old daughter's clay artwork, superglued it back together, and pretended like nothing happened. a week later, he found out that his daughter knew it was broken already, but he was surprised that she didn't say anything about it, so he asked her how she felt. she said, very honestly, that she was sad it was broken, but even more sad that he didn't come to her and tell her what he did. this is really when the walls came crashing down for me, and i think it's because this is just how God's heart breaks for humanity. we break things, try to patch it up, and go on with our merry lives, but in reality our perfect relationship with God has been severed and in dire need of repair. i think God cries for the broken relationship, but he mourns our refusal to make things right with him - especially because he's already extended his hand - accessible to everyone and free for the taking. if we'd only be honest with ourselves and admit our need for reconciliation... but oh, what a hold vanity has on us.
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wow, i think writing really is therapeutic for me. somehow organizes my thoughts better. of course, at the time, none of this was really processing. just an overflow of emotion and me frantically trying to nonchalantly wipe away tears, blow my nose, and keep my eyes from puffing up. hehe. anyway, it was a really good show for me.
haha. now i seem so depressed. i'm not though. life is a work in progress and realization is the first step, so as much as i was an emotional wreck on sunday morning, i think i'm in a good place now. haha. the last time i cried this much was also in church. last february, actually - the first time i went to origins, now called trinity grace, in nyc. apparently, there's something about God that resonates in my deepest workings.
oh btw, if you're in the la area they're putting it on again this friday at the mott auditorium, 8pm. you can buy tickets online, here, for $5.
